anxiety update + a neon pegasus


Do you ever wake up feeling like there's a walrus on your head, scraping your skull with its tusks and generally behaving like a darn nuisance up there?

Over the last few days I have had a crazy weird tension headache that just will not go away no matter what I do - I've tried upping my fluid intake, I've tried painkillers, I've tried sleeping, I've tried long hot baths, I've tried getting fresh air, I've tried to relax (not easy when your head feels like it's going to explode) - but nothing seems to have helped.

It's only pretty rarely that I get these kinds of headaches - maybe three times a year - but they are just such a drag that I haven't been able to function properly, and it super sucks.

As well as the ongoing pressure pain in my head, I've been having the most horrible nightmares for the last couple of weeks, and am being haunted by anxiety dreams involving my loved ones, which are absolutely the worst type.

I've always been a worry wart, but you kinda know something's wrong when the worrying starts to get painful. It's true that I'm worrying about a lot of stuff and my head/heart/life is in bit of a transitional place lately, but I've always kinda thought that was normal for me to worry, and that if I wasn't worrying something is wrong. Now I'm not so sure.

Is it normal to worry?
Is it normal to worry so much?
Is it normal to worry so much about things I can't actually control or do anything about?

I've been taking anxiety meds since my crazy panic attack last year, and although they do seem to help, I'm obviously going through a blip in my life which is causing my brain to overload with negative emotions and anxiety. I know I'll get through it, but it could be a gradual process and I'm not sure how to begin. People are constantly telling me not to worry, and I know they mean well, but they are just making things worse. It's all well and good telling someone they need to calm down, but if they are suffering from an anxiety disorder, saying things like that will no doubt make them worse - being told to calm down when you don't think there's anything wrong with the level of worry you're experiencing will just make you worry about the fact that people think you're worrying too much. It's a never ending circle, and I know I need to find a way to branch out from it, but it's hard work.

Does that make sense?

Perhaps I just need to watch Neon Pegasus on repeat a few more times:


Do you have any tips for helping to relax/getting rid of all this brain fuzz?

6 hellos:

nobodyputssarahinthecorner said...

I am right there with you, lady!! I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder last summer and I've been on anxiety meds as well, but lately I've felt an extra little tinge of depression.

I hope you know you're not alone out there with it! <3

Xoxo, Sarah

Vixie said...

Hi Sarah. Thank you for your comment - it's reassuring to know there are people who feel the same as me when it's so hard to explain how I'm feeling sometimes!

Watching Neon Pegasus is sure to help though :)

Siobhan said...

I think lots of people say "don't worry" like it is that simple. If you are worried being told to stop wont stop it! It suggests you have not already tried!

Something that might be worth thinking about, people don't just grieve over death (though that tends to take two years) they can also grieve about change, for even if it is a change they want, the reaction is very similar.

It's helping me, I hope knowing that would help you too. x

Vixie said...

Thanks pumpkin, you always know the right thing to say :)

agiraffeinascarf said...

Oh I could write an essay on how you're SO not alone here! I have serious anxiety issues and it drives me crazy when people tell me to calm down, or not to worry! I worry about the most ridiculous things, and knowing that it is ridiculous doesn't help at all! I've been out of work for 3 years now, due to my extreme anxiety and agoraphobia, it's awful. I'm glad that medications help you, I found that it dulled me and made me feel worse. But 3 years of intensive therapy and I'm planning on going back to school in a couple of months! Oops, I have written an essay! Big hugs! xo

Vixie said...

Hey Zoe. Thanks for your comment - it's reassuring to know I'm not alone - for so long I felt as though I was. It took a long while to find meds that could help - some of the ones they put me on made me hallucinate, and some made me sooooo much worse, but we've found some that help now, woop! My nurse has suggested CBT but, stupidly, I'm so worried about it that I won't sign up to it. I'm glad your therapy has worked out and super excited to hear you're going back to school! It will be ace :) thanks again xxx

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